Relaxation: A natural relaxation response to life events
When people are under pressure, they often act in a tense rather than relaxed way. If this habit is really ingrained, they can also act in an anxious way even if there is no actual pressure. If you check in with your experience or that of people you know, how different would things be if the natural default was relaxed versus stressed?
When a person is stressed, their whole body tenses, not just their mind. This is backed up by studies of the mind-body relationship which shows us that the body seems to have its own intelligence. For example, if we put our hand on a hot surface by accident the body seems to be able to pull it back before we are conscious of it. The entire body, from head to toe, is a highly connected processing system, so when the mind tenses so does the body.
One quick way to check how relaxed you feel is to check how relaxed your body is. Because the body tightens when the mind tenses up, we can address this by either relaxing the body or looking for the mental cause of the tension. Either way, if we can approach things in a relaxed manner, it improves our quality of life.
This more relaxed approach to events can be learned with practice. This mindfulness skill is about having a natural relaxation response to life events, and this includes challenges. There can be three ways to look at events: either as a problem (pessimist), a challenge (realist), or an opportunity (optimist). The realistic approach can invite a relaxed but responsible way of acting, as we can see both the problems and opportunities in the event. This approach can help us approach new things in a relaxed versus a stressed or drama-filled manner.
By practising to intentionally relax the body, we can do it more quickly during challenging life events and notice when our body is unnecessarily holding tension. The goal is to observe when and where the body is tense and bring it back to its natural state of relaxation.
For this next exercise we will use the progressive muscle relaxation technique to bring awareness and relaxation to each part of the body. The goal is to both dissolve the tension and increase the relaxation. Over time, this can help us to create a relaxed versus tight or contracted way of being which we can apply to life events.
We did a version of this with the Clear Mind 2 Neutrality exercise, except then we used it to practise watching sensations neutrally and non-judgmentally without reacting to them, and then applied this skill to life events (the goal was not relaxation). This time, we will intentionally use it to relax each part of the body and build a new default of relaxation towards events.
With this exercise you can repeat it at any time during the day. Stopping and doing it for a minute while sitting or even walking somewhere, can bring yourself to a relaxed state.