External quality of life goal and setting life balance

TRANSCRIPT

Interviewer:

You tuned into Drive on Youth talk radio. And as we do each Thursday here on the Drive show, we have got coming up a discussion with Dr. Patrick Jones, founder of Perth Psychologists. Over the last couple of weeks, Patrick has been coming on air and discussing various issues relating to mental health here. He's here to do the same again for this week. Patrick, how have you been keeping? 

Patrick:

Yes, good. I think we're all finding our way through little mini lockdown, but I'm finding it nice and quiet, so I'm good. 

Interviewer:

So the topics that I thought we'd look at today were external quality of life, goal setting, and life balance. Now that seems like we're covering quite a broad range of things, but they do kind of all lead onto one another, do they not? 

Patrick:

Yeah, for sure. I could look at the first one in terms of when you said external quality of life. Again, we'll sort of jump into the research. We've found that there are only a small number of major quality-of-life areas that make the difference. And so if we summarize them into the top five, they would be relationships, work, money, health, and leisure. And the thing about these external quality life factors is that if you miss out on one of them, you notice it. It's a little bit like a spokes in a wheel. If there's one spoke broken, it's not a particularly stable foundation. So for example, if you're working hard, your relationships are good, you're getting decent money, say, from that work and you're perhaps even staying fit, but you're working 1215 hours a day and you have no leisure. 

Even if you just miss out on one of those five, people don't end up reporting quality of life. So those things make a big difference. To be able to have that balance across those five, the top five relationships, work, money, health, and leisure, you got to have them kind of together and in a balance to kind of report a good quality of life. And then, of course, these event impacts our sense of psychological well-being as well. What is also interesting is that those top five areas, when they've looked at people reporting quality of life, even add more than those top five. The total amount only adds up to what they would say, 20% of the stuff that makes the difference. And for a long time, the research was just figuring out, well, where's the rest of it? Where's that other 80? 

It took them a while, but then they realized it's the mental state which is the other 80%, give or take. The research kind of moves around a bit on it, but, even though you get those right, you must also have, you could say, a positive relationship to those. So you could be doing pretty well in all those but be quite a pessimistic-oriented thinker. And so it's important to be able to get that external quality of life balance but also to have that internal sort of mental state that's sort of positive and constructive and sort of has and I always talk about the inner well-being place where even though your life conditions are doing super well, you need to also be able to know that my well being comes from me, not from those. 

Interviewer:

So that's the combo that we were trying to emphasize for people. 

Would it sound there that you've mentioned five things that cover a broad range of things? But for people who hear that a facet that contributes to your quality of life is, say, money. But I'm envisioning say a younger person. Say they're at school whose horizon isn't necessarily bogged down by their financial stability themselves. Maybe they're living with their parents and they're relying on that. 

Patrick:

Yes, but interestingly enough it's implicit in that they don't have the resources because the parents can't give them some of the stuff that they might need in terms of whether it's going to extra sport training or tutoring or something like that. You could almost interpret that and it's a good clarification for students. It's more sort of access to resources is what money in a sense gives. 

Interviewer:

We or stability don't have access to it. 

Patrick:

Then they feel it. 

Interviewer:

Yeah, excellent. So then when we see some of those sort of thrown out of whack or put into a little bit of disarray you might get a little bit of a lifestyle imbalance and that is often easy to identify. Usually, you get an inkling of things going awry but then how do you then identify what it is that has to be tweaked to retain the balance? 

Patrick:

Yeah, for sure. So there's one thing that's also important to list here they talk about it sometimes when I do speak, I like to try and almost do a little bit of call psychoeducation but keep it simple and easy to understand. I might occasionally introduce some ideas that are almost like a little mini-prep psychology course. So one of the ones that's relevant in the field is what they call trait versus state. For example, any one of those five areas might go up or down. And when they go up, we get what we call a state change. We feel really good, whatever else. But I think I mentioned in the past episodes that Adaptation Reflex kicks in and then we just go back to our normal baseline, our normal average. 

And we call that the trait, which is the ongoing stuff. So sometimes these five areas will go up and down, they'll impact our state but then if we can kick in and use some of those mental processes we can bring ourselves back to that sort of normal baseline which we would call a trait. But when we get that lifestyle imbalance that you mentioned it's when one of those is out of whack. And a nice way to figure that out also is almost just to do your little self-scoring thing, perhaps like ten is a nice way and just say, where is one of those in my life right now? Say, relationships or work or health or something out of ten. And if it's in that zero to two range, we often call that the crisis range. 

It's like, okay, you need to do some work now. If it's in the eight to ten range, it's like, fantastic, don't even need touch it, just keep that maintenance. Sometimes a way of looking at checking that imbalance is to go, just where is it. Zero to ten? And if it's perhaps under five, I might need to put some attention on those goals. So they're some of the signs is when the Date gets changed and we can't bring it back down to trait, maybe just self-score and then go, all right, if it's under five, I need to do some active work with that regarding myself, family, friends, whoever can help me sort of bring it back up to where it was before. 

Interviewer:

Occasionally we might find ourselves, say, in a scenario where we're encountering a lifestyle imbalance. We've done the identification of what needs to be changed but found that it's an area of our lifestyle that you simply cannot. And this is going to be applicable for adults, of course, but of course for young people as well, in scenarios where not everything is necessarily in their control. So in those scenarios, how do we navigate the aspect of our lifestyle that is tumultuous, but ultimately we can't change in the moment? 

Patrick:

Yeah, okay, well, actually reminds me of Steve Jobs, who's the creator of the Apple iPhone. In his biography, they talk about his well-known, what they called his reality distortion field, which used to affect people, who know it was like, we're going to create this product and they're going, it's impossible. I want it to be this size and I want the phone to have this. And everyone's just going, not happening. And he somewhere was not contained or constrained by circumstances. In other words, yes, it doesn't look like that, but he managed to find a way to be able to create some extraordinary stuff. And they often used to just joke about it. It's like they're being warped right now by Jobs's reality distortion field to agree with him that it's possible, even though they know it's not. 

And I think why I'm saying that is that it's also about when you see that you're constrained, it's important first to just look at my mental approach to it. And there are three ways people can identify something as trouble, and they can either see it as a problem, as a challenge, or as an opportunity. And it's that third space. If you can't get to that opportunity, at least try and move it from problem to challenge. So the first step is to be able to have that more positive mental mindset. That's kind of what I'd say to that. I'm noticing also like say, for example, we're in lockdown this week, so we're doing at home, we're doing animal moves from the Animal Move book. In terms of exercise, and creating obstacle courses, there are ways to be able to get creative with circumstances. 

It's never a solid thing. There's always a way through and around if you have that constructive mind. 

Interviewer:

Yeah. And this is in terms of acquiring a lifestyle balance and reducing any kind of disarray that it may have been thrown into. This kind of leads to the third topic for the week, which is goal setting. Now, speaking from experience you've kind of answered this a little already, but setting goals can be the result of much deliberation as to whether a goal is too easy or whether it's overly aspirational. And again, as I say, you've kind of answered this, but how can we best aspire to things while retaining that basis in reality? 

Patrick:

Yeah, okay. So goal setting, one of the very popular ways to get goals done properly is what they call the smart goals, which some people might know of and it's an acronym. So smart goals stand for specific goals, specific measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-framed timely. So essentially it is important to set some super goals, but to do that with sort of those qualifications to make sure they're not just general stuff but specific measurable. So you know whether you have achieved it achievable in that it's not like I want to get in the space program next week realistic. Also in terms of the ways that I can be able to do this. And then time frames. So that's not just endlessly going, but you've got a time when it sort of ticks off as now being done. 

So that's the way of setting a goal, but also doing it in a way where you can aspire, as you said, to better things, but it's based on reality. So that's the first bit and then I guess the second would be long-term goals is important to have. So you get a vision of where you're going. I think it's like an Old Testament quote, like a people with a vision, will die lost in the desert. You've got to be able to know a sense of where you're going. And a few other sorts of psychological ways of putting that. One is that chance favors the prepared mind. If you are thinking, if the mind doesn't know where it's going, it doesn't recognize the markers when they come up. It's like, oh yeah, okay, that's necessary for this. 

So long-term goals are necessary so the mind can see them. And then a short-term strategy, something practical that you can do specifically that will move you a little bit towards that goal, say from four out of ten to five out of ten, which is at least a change. And then having, of course, a long-term goal, short-term strategy to achieve that, having that deadline in place. I want to do that by February 5 and then tick it off. Okay, done. And then rinse and repeat. So that's sort of one way where you can set goals but have them realistic but also achievable and create change in terms of quality of life. 

Interviewer:

Folks who were listening last week will know that one of the topics we covered was resilience, which you can see why that would be applicable in an aim to achieve a goal, particularly in the scope of those long-term goals. But a prerequisite for achieving your goals is accepting that there's a chance you mightn't succeed. So have you got any advice about maintaining both interest and patience in the pursuit of an achievement? 

Patrick:

Definitely. And what I'd like to probably just do is to slip in. We usually do an exercise each week, a mindfulness one, in this case, quality of life, one that kind of helps people move a bit in this direction. One that could be good this week is just to set, say, those five quality life goals or areas that were mentioned, which were relationships, work, money, health and leisure, and just do a few things. One, just set a long-term goal in each of those five, which is just like when we say the goal is present tense positive. I am such and such as if it's already happening and it's meant to be. Long goals are meant to be a big thing, a thing that really, like Anthony Robbins used to say, just really juices. He's like, yeah. And then the exercise. 

The second step would be one external quality life goal, one mindset goal. Like some of my mental state, I am open-minded, but I have a sense of equanimity in calm when I manage stuff, whatever it is, some nice clear goal, and then write down one strategy. 

Interviewer:

What? 

Patrick:

Can I move forward? Just one little thing I can do, say, this week it's just time framed. So I mean, that's a way, essentially, of helping people achieve the goals in terms of being able to maintain some level of interest by actually having something specific. But the second bit is I always love it, say like, I'm a bit of a sports-mad person times I watch a little bit of boxing occasionally and I love the notion that you get knocked down, but if you get up before ten, you can go again. It's just a friendly bounce. In other words, obstacles are part of it. It's not that you get knocked down, you just can get back up. And then some people do try and do programs. 

Interviewer:

A friend of mine was doing Anthony Robbin's free online programs last week. Fantastic, amazing stuff. I've done all these firewalks and whatever in the past, but then she hit a few obstacles and it's like just not so sure. And I think when people do set goals, it will mean that you might hit obstacles and it's about just continuing that sort of perseverance, if you like. And I'll probably just end with a lovely little quote from Michael Jordan, NBA Superstar you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. So I just think you need to get in the game, have a go, and rinse and repeat. If it all falls over, just go again. 

Yeah. I suppose it's also linked to what you were saying earlier about framing the way you look at were talking earlier about how you look at things that can't be changed in a matter of reframing things that seem impossible. I suppose it's much the same in the scope of your goals. That may seem frustrating when you don't succeed at them initially. 

Patrick:

Yeah, it's so much easier just to maintain the status quo, but it just means that we don't because there's no threat. No risks. No threat, but no gain. There's a lovely metaphor or thing called a hero's journey. It's a sort of motif if you like, and it has these sort of like nine stages or so. Seven or nine stages. And it just highlights that to be a hero, to take yourself on, it means that you will hit challenges, personal or other people. And it does require courage. I think that the kind of critical element to all this is that you manage to stay on track and keep going. 

Interviewer:

Yeah, absolutely. And I feel like that's a potent message for what's happening now, particularly here on the West Coast, in the face of Lockdown, but particularly in the face of Bushfires. I know that a great deal of resilience, to use the word that were hearing a lot last week, will be required to overcome some of the hardships faced by the folks there. 

Patrick:

Yeah, for sure. One of the things also I think that's important is for people to maintain their center if people around them are getting a little bit frazzled and there's a sense to where we want to feel empathy and connection. But adding to disturbance is not necessarily a contribution. And so I think that's one of the factors here that we need to take into account is that when there are some stresses around us, which there might be some at the moment, what role can we play from a calming place, I think is important. And when I mean calming, it's not being not proactive in doing things, but adding to the discomfort is not necessarily a contribution. So I think that's a big part of also being in these lockdown or fire situations. 

Interviewer:

Absolutely. 

Patrick:

Managing one's state. 

Interviewer:

Yeah, well, it's like what were talking about last week. I think I asked you something like if you had a friend who was having a hard time with their inner well-being. How would you find ways to help them? Firstly, showing empathy, at least to hear. 

Patrick:

Them before you start problem-solving. 

Interviewer:

Yeah. Would you say that's applicable in this scenario too? 

Patrick:

Yeah, because personality is such a wide continuum in terms of where people are at, whether it's introverted, or extroverted. So introvert might not manage to mind the lockdown as much, but an extrovert might go stir crazy. They researched extroverts and job choices and they found, for example, people who were sort of receptionists fitted more of an extrovert continuum than an introvert because they don't mind the notion of an extrovert they don't mind continued and varying stimulus. They enjoy that whilst an introvert is a lot happier with a monotonous routine, that doesn't change as much. So perfect for lockdown, for someone who's more that personality type. So it's also about listening to where am I on the personality continuum. And someone else might have a different experience that's like, really chafing up a bit to get out and struggling. 

So, yeah, it's also just being with where each person is at and identifying that. 

Interviewer:

Yeah, was there anything like me? They'd be quite comfortable sitting in front of the TV, watching whatever they put off because they've had other stuff to do in the outside world. 

Patrick:

Yeah, well, that's also the other thing, too, is in what they call the effort recovery model of leisure. It's if people have high-stimulus work, what they crave is low-stimulus leisure because it's like I've had my resources pummeled and the tanks are a bit low, so I need to go into sort of replenishment mode. So for some people, doing less is super, but for people that have had low stimulus work, they just want to go out and do abseiling and wind surfing or whatever it is something that just gives me some life. So, yeah, it depends where you are on a few fronts as well, and people on that continuum as well. From what I would call introvert myrtle extrovert, we're all somewhere on that. I'm pretty much in the middle. 

I do like that analysis and whatever else, but they also like to kind of connect and share it. So it's also good to find out where each of us is on that and notice that people are also different and then try to adapt ourselves to where they're at, and what their needs are. 

On the subject of that. Encountering stimulus in the face of a job that you've been doing that of relatively low stimulation. I know that generically, you'd think of, say, watching a movie or watching TV as being quite relaxing, but I recall at the beginning of last year, just before Lockdown began, I'd spent the day at work just doing the regular monotony of a desk job. Nonetheless, you're being hit with all kinds of information, you're having to process everything like that. And I'd agreed with a friend to go to the movies and see that film with Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson The Lighthouse and that's, know, artistic and cerebral. But I tell you, it was the last thing that I'd have wanted to watch after a day of work. I was thinking to myself, why didn't I enjoy this movie at the time? 

And I genuinely think it was like, at that point, after a day of encountering a host of information that I needed to process, I just needed something that I didn't need to process at all. And in that scenario, I need Bugs Bunny or Teletubbies or something milk toast to get through the evening. 

Interviewer:

Yeah, I get that. And I experience that occasionally if I'm going to a movie that has a sort of therapeutic or analytical element to it. Because it's like, Well, I've kind of just done that. And I'm now kind of in almost, you could say, not quite work mode, but it's not leisure mode. It's almost a different experience. Choose your movies wisely. 

Thanks for getting in touch with us again this week, Patrick. I hope to speak to you next week. 

Patrick:

Yep, that sounds good. All right, take care. 

Interviewer:

Excellent. You, too.